JOURNALS
Chapters 35 - 39
by: Louise Palanker

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Journals by Louise Palanker
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April 12, 1945 � Thursday

We moved ninety miles to Nordhausen, but on the way, the track broke down three times. After a three-hour delay, we got it started by making a gasket out of the tongue of my shoe. We went a few miles and the trailer fell apart. It took us an hour to get it fixed but after we started out again, a low hanging branch tore an ammo chest clean off. We got here at six p.m., a ten-hour trip. We set up our two tents in the city park and are manning the 50 and 40.

April 13, 1945 � Friday
This city has a concentration camp and there are about 3,000 dead in it. It was the most terrible sight I ever saw. Besides those in the cells, there were a thousand lying on the ground outside in four columns.

Ninety percent had been starved until they could no longer walk and then they were shot in the head just before we entered this city. They were mostly Poles, Greeks, Czechs and Russians. They were nothing but purely skin and bone. There were even a few babies. A few were found alive but their stomachs were so shrunken that they will not live. The civilians in this town are being made to carry them out and they are using blankets, boards, etc. to do it. They all claim that they did not know what was going on in here. I don�t believe any of them.

Nordhausen is a name I will never forget.

CHAPTER 35 � Reality

�Lainie! Lainie!� Annie was yelling, and finally she shoved open the door to Lainie�s room. Lainie didn�t even have time to hide the journal.
�I said, dinner! Are you deaf or something?!�
It was Tuesday night and Lainie�s father was home for dinner, so they were eating in the dining room. Lainie�s eyes were still very wet from what she had just read and she hoped nobody would notice as she wiped her nose and took her seat at the table.
�Lainie,� snapped her mother. �I said bring in the string beans.�
Lainie went into the kitchen for the string beans and put them on the dining room table.
�Lainie, use a hot plate!� said her mother, sharply.
Lainie took a hot plate from the cabinet, placed it on the table, put the string beans on the hot plate and took her place at the table. As the food was passed and people ate, Lainie sneaked looks at her father.

When the whole family was at the table, her parents usually talked to each other as if the kids weren�t there. That�s why Lainie was pretty surprised when her mother said,
�How�s the play coming, Lainie?�
�Hmm?� said Lainie.
�I said, how is the play coming?�
�It�s fine,� said Lainie.
�We�ll all be there.� said her father.
�Yes, we�re looking forward to it,� said her mother.
Lainie thought her head was going to explode. This, of all nights, was not the night she wanted her mother to start talking to her.

February 24, 1970
Now I know why my father didn�t want me reading the journal and I had to go ahead and read it anyway and now I can�t believe what I read and I can�t get the thought of it out of my head. I mean, I knew about Ann Frank and I knew about the concentration camps but I didn�t really KNOW. I didn�t know that people did this to people and I don�t think there�s anything worse than how horrible people can be to each other. Tornadoes and earthquakes are horrible and they kill people. But that�s nature doing that to people. Nature doesn�t mean it. People mean it, and they do it on purpose. They do things worse than nature could do by accident.

CHAPTER 36 � Cruelty

Lainie was sitting anxiously on the couch in the den, waiting for her father when he came in.
�You�re still up?� he asked, which they both knew was pretty obvious, but she nodded her head as she felt herself begin to shiver.
�Is something on your mind?�
�Yes.�
�OK.� He sat in the chair across from the couch so he could look into her face.
�Dad?�
�Yes?�
�Why are people cruel on purpose?�
Her father swallowed hard and sat forward in his chair.
�Well, that�s a difficult question. There are lots of reasons. Has someone been cruel to you?�
�No. I mean, yes, someone has� but I�m talking more about people who are really, really cruel to� to people they don�t even know.�
Lainie looked away and held her knees tight so that her father couldn�t tell that she was shaking.
He looked at her but he didn�t talk.
Lainie desperately wanted to say more but she couldn�t tell her father why she was so upset because she wasn�t supposed to be reading the journal. She just waited and hoped that he would talk soon because she didn�t think she could keep herself from crying for very much longer.

Her father stood up and he paced for a couple of moments. Then he sat down again and said,
�This is very hard to explain. But let me try to make some sense of it for you this way��
Lainie couldn�t look at her father as he continued talking.
�If someone is unhappy, and he believes that someone else is the reason why he�s unhappy, he can be very cruel to that person, in order to protect himself. Do you see?�

�Who would be that unhappy?� asked Lainie.

�A lot of people are that unhappy. And, I�m afraid many of them are misinformed as to why they�re unhappy, so they take it out on innocent people.�
Lainie didn�t think before she blurted out the next question.
�What if it happens here?�
Her father took a breath, paused for a few moments and then said,
�We live in a wonderful country,� Lainie and we have to trust that it won�t happen here.�
�Do you trust that it won�t?� asked Lainie.
�Yes, I do.� Said her father.
�OK, then,� said Lainie.

As she hugged her father goodnight and walked down the hall to her room, Lainie was ready to trust that her father was right.

April 14, 1945 � Saturday
The guys in this outfit don�t have any words for what we�re seeing here in Nordhausen. Yesterday, I saw Salvati crying. I just stood there and he saw me and he said, �I�m sorry.� I don�t know if he meant he�s sorry for the fight or for the concentration camp or for both. Anyway, I guess I�ll take it.

April 18, 1945 � Wednesday
We had a memorial service for Roosevelt.

The people in this city are scared stiff. They must think everyone is as cruel as they are. Although, I have never met any Germans who admit they wanted Hitler and war. They all claim they had to fall in with the government.

April 19, 1945 � Thursday
We are now at a P.W. cage. It is three miles out of town and we are guarding them.

CHAPTER 37 � People Change

Lainie closed the journal and turned out the light. She was glad that Salvati had apologized to her father. She thought that she better remember how people can change. You just never know.

Before she fell asleep, Lainie wondered what a P.W. cage might be.

On the bus the next day, Lois wouldn�t let Kenny Grubner sit next to her. When he asked why, Lois just glared at him and slid over to take up the whole seat. So, Lainie said, �because I�m sitting there.�

Lainie took the seat next to Lois, knowing full well why Lois didn�t want Kenny or any boy sitting next to her. Lois didn�t say anything and neither did Lainie, for awhile, anyway, and then Lainie quietly blurted out,
�I think you should stay in love with Mr. Helfenstein as long as you want to because it�s not stupid, and my Dad says even if boys think about sex a lot it doesn�t mean they expect you to have sex with them� until you�re married or at least old.�
Lois sat for a moment, looking out the window and then she turned to Lainie and said,
�They don�t?�
�No, they don�t and boys talk to girls for lots of reasons besides sex and he should know because he�s a man and your grandmother isn�t.�
�Then how come she said what she did?�
�Well, I think she said it to keep you from getting pregnant.�
�Why would I?� Oh.�
�Sex makes people pregnant. But thinking about sex doesn�t.�
Lois took a long slow breath and then she said,
�Thank you for telling me that.�
�Thank you for letting me,� said Lainie.

March 5, 1970
Rehearsals are getting pretty intense. I haven�t had a moment to write in this journal in over a week. Lois and I are best friends again which is a very good thing because the musical is next Friday night and I really want her to come and watch me faint when I hear Conrad Birdie sing. By the way, Conrad Birdie is played by Peter Haskell and there is no way I would actually faint when he sings which is why I think I�m very good at acting.

I asked Mr. Bruner what a P.W. cage is and he says it�s where they put captured prisoners from the other side, during a war. So I guess Dad was guarding a cage full of Nazis!

April 24, 1945 � Tuesday
We�re still on duty at the P.W. cage. This camp sets along the bottom of a cliff and stretches out as far as the eye can see. The prisoners sleep on the ground. Ciocca and I have charge over pen 4, which contains over seven thousand prisoners of which one thousand are Hungarians and Russians in German uniforms. We must see that the sick see a doctor, see that they are fed, and keep order. There are six Belgians and a half track guarding our pen.

The job is driving me crazy. There are over 800 wounded and we can only take 50 each day to the hospital tent because it is already over crowded. They treat Ciocca and I like Gods when we walk in. I don�t want to feel bad for them but it�s hard not to.

Today I wound up talking to one boy in my pen. He said he is 21 and he had been in the Russian army, taken prisoner and made to fight in the German army. I took him over to the house we live in and gave him some food to eat. I filled his pockets with four cans of meat and some candy I got from Mom. I would have liked to help him more but I am only a Private in this army and have nothing to say in the matter. I finally had to take him back to the pen. I just hope he gets home.

CHAPTER 38 � Bad Rehearsal

The dress rehearsal for Bye Bye Birdie was pretty chaotic. The kids were way too excited to get anything right. For one thing, everyone was laughing at everyone else�s costumes and make-up. Lainie�s hair was sprayed white. She was wearing an old lady wig, an old lady dress, old lady stockings and shoes and old lady glasses. Clayton, however looked gorgeous because he was playing a teenaged boy and he got to wear a white tee shirt, a letterman�s sweater, jeans and sneakers.

Lainie tried very hard not to look at him. Lainie had been ignoring Clayton Murray ever since he ran off to the plaza with Gretchen Alder. Lainie wasn�t being rude to him or anything. She wasn�t going out of her way to avoid him. She just wasn�t going out of her way to look at him or talk to him either. Sometimes it did happen by accident. One time, he looked at her and almost smiled but Lainie wasn�t sure because she looked away pretty quickly.

Anyway, there were a lot of other things for Lainie to think about. She was really concentrating on her screaming and her fainting and her swooning, so that she could be the best Mayor�s Wife ever to star in any version of Bye Bye Birdie anywhere.

During dress rehearsal, especially, there was a lot to distract Lainie from looking at or talking to Clayton Murray. The other kids were goofing off a lot and missing a lot of lines and cues. Everyone would laugh when someone got something wrong which would make Miss Galistorfer stomp her foot and yell, �People, people, people!� which only made the kids giggle harder.

The dress rehearsal was somewhat of a disaster and when it finally ended, everyone was exhausted, especially Miss Galistorfer who�s foot must have been pretty sore from all that stomping. She told all the kids to take seats in the audience while she went up the stairs and onto the stage.

Lainie took her seat before she noticed that Clayton Murray had taken the seat next to her.
�Hi.� He said.
�Hi,� she said back. She didn�t want to be rude.
Then Miss Galistofer started talking.
�OK, people. As you know, that was a very bad dress rehearsal. You�re not concentrating. You�re not applying yourselves and I cannot and I will not have the people backstage talking or laughing, during the show. Is that clear?�
The kids mumbled a collective, �yes.�
�But,� continued Miss Gallistorfer. �As they say in the theatre, a bad dress rehearsal means a great show!�
With that she crossed her fingers and threw her arms over her head and hollered,
�So, let�s have a great show!�
All the kids clapped and cheered and as they got up to leave, Clayton tapped Lainie on the shoulder.
�What?� said Lainie, as she turned around and looked at him, remembering, as her face turned red underneath the old lady glasses, that she was not exactly wearing her most flattering outfit.
�Um, are you going to the cast party at Billy Hutching�s?� he asked.
�I don�t know,� said Lainie,� as she adjusted her sagging old lady dress.
�Oh, well, I was just wondering,� said Clayton.
�Err, I�ll have to see.� Said Lainie. Then she turned and walked away because she was way too mad at Clayton and embarrassed about the way she looked to get into a conversation with him about parties.

April 29, 1945 � Sunday
We got a new mission again today. We are now running an allied PWX camp near Grimma, 17 miles from Leipzig. This used to be a German cavalry school. One mile from here there are 200 Jewish women and they are half starved. They were in a concentration camp and they were being marched from town to town by their Nazi captors until our troops moved in and the Nazis fled. Our Captain asked me to speak to them since I am the only Jew in this company who can speak to them in Yiddish. Their stories are unbelievable.

May 5, 1945 � Saturday
News of the war sounds good. I found a motorcycle and I can ride into Grimma to talk with the Jewish women. They are all wondering what will become of them and nobody seems to know. Many of them have given me the addresses of family they have in other countries. These women are not allowed to write so I have written over 70 letters for them to places like South America, Canada, Palestine, and many in the U.S.

May 6, 1945 � Sunday
I have been going swimming in the Mulde River. I went to Leipzig to see a movie last night.

May 8, 1945 � Tuesday
Well, the war is over. It was a long road but here we are, safe and sound. Thank God.

CHAPTER 39 � The Letters of Thanks

When Lainie turned the last page of the journal, several sheets of folded paper slipped out from the back. Lainie opened the papers. They were letters and she couldn�t resist it, she had to read them.

-------------------------------------------

Octavia Reiss
Lista de correos
La Paz, Bolivia

July 21, 1945

Dear Mr. Spurdle,
With immense joy I acknowledge the receipt of your letter of May 12th. Since seven long years was this the first joyful news I got from Europe.

I cannot express sufficiently my great joy that my dear wife, Eva is alive.

Accept, dear Mr. Spurdle, my cordialist thanks for your amiability to me and I should be very glad if I could demonstrated you my gratitude.

Yours eternally thankful,
Octavio B. Reiss

Mr. Israel Eltes
Montreal, Canada

Dear Pvt. Spurdle:

Your letter of May 12th regarding Bertha Eltes was handed to me as I am her father. You can imagine how happy I was to receive the news about my daughter.

My sincerest thanks to you for sending us the wonderful news of my daughter.

Respectfully Yours
Israel Eltes



Simon Saltman
Holyoke, Massachusetts
June 24

Dear Pvt. Spurdle,

We received your letter concerning our niece Dora Barak and want to sincerely thank you for establishing contact with her. We have been eagerly awaiting news of our family in Europe and this is the first we have heard.

Please tell her that we hope she is well and we will do all that is possible to help her in every way we can.

Again, please accept our very sincere thanks for your help in notifying us and tell Dora that her family here wants to help her in every way possible.

Sincerely Yours,
Mr. And Mrs. Simon Saltman


Dear Mr. Spurdle,

I have just now received the letter you wrote to my Uncle Mr. Hanoch Heilman about my sister, Roza.

That�s the first time after five years that we hear about her and you can�t imagine yourself the way I feel about it. My uncle and me thank you very much and invite you to visit us and stay with us for your next leave.

I would like to send my sister some money if you can perhaps help me get it to her.

Can you please send more particulars about her because it seems they are not allowed to write.

I thank you once more and await some more news.

Yours Faithfully,
Joshua Heilman



Elsa Itzkowitz
Los Angeles, California

Dear Marvin,

I learned about the letter you wrote to my uncle concerning my cousin Margit Ickovics in Germany.

I want to thank you for being so wonderful to help her out. I really can�t tell you how much it meant to us to get the first news at last from one member of our family left in Europe. I also left my parents, three sisters and a brother in Europe just before the war broke out. I hope and pray that they are alive and I�ll get word of them soon.

If you see my cousin again, would you please tell her that my sister Siri and I were very happy to hear about her and we will do everything possible to help her as soon as we can.

I hope, Marvin, that everything is OK with you and you�ll be able to return very soon to the good old U.S.A. We are certainly proud of you boys for the swell job you have done over there.

Sincerely,
Elsa Itzkowitz





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