Chapters 1 - 8
by: Louise Palanker
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Chapter 1 � Battlefield: Middle School
If Lainie could make it through gym class, the rest of the day actually held some promise. Lainie Spurdle and her best friend Lois Krinski were going over to the plaza after school. They were twelve and a half years old. Seventh graders are finally old enough to walk to the plaza, depending on the weather. This was Buffalo, New York in 1970 and it was January, so the wind could get pretty whippy but it was worth it. At the plaza there was a Woolworth�s with an amazing candy counter and a Teck Pharmacy with the latest teen magazines. Lainie loved to look through the record bins at Grant�s. But the best part about going to the plaza with Lois was just wandering in and out of stores together and laughing at everything until it got dark.
But first� gym class.
It�s not that Lainie had a problem with sports. She was better at sports than she was at arithmetic. Of course, truthfully, she was not very good at arithmetic, and she was even worse at spelling. She had arithmetic once as a spelling word and got it wrong. But, sports, for Lainie were not a real problem. She was even a good team player. She never laughed out loud when someone struck out in kickball, even though she found it pretty funny that a person could actually strike out in kickball.
Lainie�s problem with gym class was not sports. Her problem was the locker room.
Gretchen Alder and her friends Cyndi Finderbeem and Martha Castle seemed so ridiculous to Lainie. All they cared about were clothes and boys and make-up and parties and cheerleading. But somehow, they wielded all the power. They acted like they were the only ones in school who knew what to wear and when to wear it and what to say and when to say it and who should be talking to who and when they should be talking to that person and when they shouldn�t be. Lainie didn�t want anyone to know it, but she was afraid of these girls. They could make you feel like you were nothing with just one look.
Why did they have so much power? It was infuriating but it was the way things were at Mill Middle in 1970. There�s no way Lainie would ever be a part of their group. It�s not even like she wanted to be. Most of the things they talked about like make-up and boys and dating and kissing were all completely terrifying to Lainie. No, she really wasn�t jealous. She didn�t want to be one of them. She just wanted them to leave her alone.
January 3, 1970
Dear Journal,
You were a gift from my Dad and I think he�d be hurt if I didn�t write in you so here I go� Today stunk or stank or whatever the past tense of stink is, although I should probably just use the future tense because tomorrow will probably stink too. I was getting changed in gym class and trust me, I do this as quickly as possible because it�s humiliating, but Gretchen comes up to me and stares at me and announces, �Oh, my God. You really need a bra!� I think people in other schools heard her. My breasts aren�t that big yet, are they? I was hoping I could wait until I�m 13 to wear a bra. I�m not in any hurry to grow up. Martha called me �immature� because I still wear an undershirt. They got bras before they had anything going on in the chest department, like getting a bra is such a big achievement. To me, it�s like going into prison for the rest of my life. I don�t even understand why we have to get breasts. I mean, dogs don�t get them until they have puppies. Why do human grown up ladies have to have them ALL THE TIME?
CHAPTER 2 � The Family
If it was snowing, Lainie and Lois took the bus to school. After school, if they went to the plaza, they�d walk home. It was only a little over a mile. Lois lived on Fleetwood, the street right behind Lainie�s street, Tristan Lane. The only rule was, she had to be home by 6:00. If Lainie wasn�t home by 6:00, she was in trouble. She had to be home by dinnertime, but why? It�s not like her family sat around the table and talked to each other. Well, she�d try to talk and her mother would nod and say, �Mmm hmm,� which meant she wasn�t even listening. If Lainie tried to say something funny, her mother would stare blankly and then say, �Ha ha.� It was her fake laugh. Lainie would prefer no laugh at all to the fake laugh. Lainie�s father wouldn�t even be home from work yet. He had a store that sold ladies� coats and it was open late on many nights. So at dinner, it was just Lainie, her older sister, Annie who was pretty and popular and Lainie�s younger brother Kurt who was sort of goofy, even for a little brother. And of course, there was their mother, Ruth, and their mother�s bad mood. The bad mood was what made it seem so crowded.
When dinner was over, the kids would clear the table and do the dishes while their mother went into her room and shut the door because she had a headache. If the kids were too loud, their mother came out and hollered at them. If they didn�t clean up the kitchen right, they got yelled at. If their mother found dirty clothes in their rooms they got yelled at. If they didn�t get themselves clean enough in the shower they got yelled at. In this house, you never knew when you were going to get yelled at.
When their Dad came home, he would be sullen and distant because if their mother was in a bad mood, he thought it was their fault.
Lainie thought it probably was her fault. She didn�t know how to think anything else. These were her parents and this was the house she lived in.
January 5, 1970
Today is my Dad�s birthday so I made him a card where I drew a picture of him reading a book, which he likes to do. And at the plaza, I bought him a book about the war. He likes to read about the war because he fought in it. He fought in the Normandy Invasion and the Battle of the Bulge and he liberated a concentration camp. At least he tried to but most of the people he found were dead. Dad must have known that if his parents hadn�t come to America in 1918, one of those dead people could have been him.
He was 18 years old when he went to fight. I always ask him to tell me stories about the war and sometimes he will. That�s how I know about the concentration camp. Other times he won�t talk about it. He says, �Not now.� If my Dad had died in this war, I wouldn�t be here. I think about that sometimes. There must be a lot of almost people who aren�t here because their Fathers died in the war.
Before bed, I went to say goodnight to my father and he was reading the book I gave him.
CHAPTER 3 � One Good Friend
Every now and then, Lainie�s mom was in a good mood. One of those times, her mother said, �All you really need to get through life is one good friend.� Well, yeah, but that�s providing everyone else leaves you alone. Lois Krinski was Lainie�s best friend. In fact, they were actually third cousins. Lainie�s grandmother and Lois�s grandmother were first cousins and that�s what makes you third cousins. Pretty neat. But most importantly, they were best friends. They talked about everything. They understood each other and they laughed together. Once they were actually kicked out of a store for laughing too loud, which only made them laugh louder.
They did have a lot of things in common, but not everything. For instance, Lois started wearing a bra last year and she was really excited about it. She said it made her feel like a lady. Lois bought lipstick and eye shadow and liked to try it on and see what shades looked best. The great thing was that she didn�t mind if Lainie didn�t like those things.
When Lainie talked about the things she liked, Lois didn�t say, �That�s stupid� like her sister did. She didn�t say, �that�s not for girls,� like her mother did. She listened.
Lainie liked the drums. When she was eight, her older cousin Jeremy had given her a pair of warped drumsticks that he didn�t use anymore. Lainie cherished those drumsticks and more than anything in the world she wanted a drum set like the one Jeremy had but that was not going to happen. Her dad said, �They�re too loud.� Her mom said, �They�re not for girls,� and her brother and sister just told her to shut up when she started drumming on boxes and suitcases and counter tops.
Lois had no problem with Lainie�s passion for the drums and felt there was no reason why a girl couldn�t play them.
So Lainie knew what a best friend was. It was someone who knows who you are and likes who you are. Someone who doesn�t tell you who you�re supposed to be or who you�re not supposed to be.
January 7, 1970
I changed in the bathroom stall today at gym. It worked out OK. Gretchen didn�t notice and I don�t care what she thinks anyway, as long as she leaves me alone. She talks about boys all the time and that�s the only reason she thinks bras are important anyway. It�s because she says boys like breasts, which I find weird. If they like them so much why don�t they grow them? I told that to Lois today and we laughed for about 15 minutes.
The thing is, there is this one boy. His name is Clayton Murray and I think he�s neat. He�s really smart. He�s not very much into sports but he�s popular. I think it says a lot about a boy to be not into sports and still be popular.
I don�t want to say I actually like him though because I don�t actually know him. We just sort of nod at each other. I�m only going to say that I think he�s interesting. Oh and two other things. He has a really neat face and he plays the stand-up bass in the stage band.
CHAPTER 4 � Dad
It was past her bedtime and Lainie heard a knock on her door.
�Come in.�
It was her father.
�I saw the light under your door. You�re writing in your journal?�
�Yeah. Thanks, Dad, I really like it.�
�You know, I kept a war journal during World War II.�
�You did?
�Yeah.�
�Did you save it?�
�Sure.�
�Can I read it?�
�Maybe when you�re older. There are things in there you�re not ready to see yet.�
�Like what?�
�It was war, Lainie. It was� there was� you can read it when you�re older, OK? Now go to sleep.�
�OK, Dad.�
Her father closed her door and she listened to his footsteps as they faded down the hall. She wondered about his journal.
January 7, 1970 (continued)
My father, Marvin Spurdle, kept a journal while he was fighting in World War II. Nothing I write in here will be as important as what a person would write in a war journal. I�m not trying to save the world. I�m just trying to get through Middle School. But I think I�ll keep writing because maybe my father saved the world so that one day, he could have a little girl, who could write in her journal.
CHAPTER 5 � Classes
Changing rooms for different classes in seventh grade was still pretty confusing for Lainie. It was January already and she still kept her crumpled up schedule in the zipper compartment of her three ring binder. She was in Math, and Home-Ec with Lois, which was great. Also, their friend Denise was with them in Math and their friend Tracy was with Lainie in Social Studies and in English and Clayton Murray was also with Lainie in English. He sat a little in front of her so she could look at the back of his head while he was thinking. It was a good feeling. If she nodded hello, he nodded back. Maybe it was better to nod at someone you don�t know than to know him and ruin it.
Clayton had a sort of serious look but when he smiled his whole face lit up. He had light brown hair and brown eyes. He was a little smaller than a lot of the boys but it didn�t seem to bother him. He had a certain confidence or at least he seemed to.
Lainie wasn�t even confident enough to fake confidence. Just yesterday morning she found another pimple. Her face was getting to the point where her mother wanted to take her to the skin doctor. And that�s not even the worst of it. The other night, her mother knocked on her door and asked to come in. She sat down on Lainie�s bed and said, �Tomorrow, you and I are going shopping for bras.�
Lainie just sat there, mortified. She may have said, �Why?�
Her mother said, �Because you�re developing and it�s time you get used to wearing one. Oh, and while we�re out, we�ll buy you some deodorant and a razor for those legs.�
January 9, 1970
Well, it was going to happen eventually. I now own a training bra, a Lady Shick and a can of Arid Extra Dry. The lady in the store measured me. It was completely awful. Then I had to put the bra on while they both watched. I�m not all that big yet and I hope I don�t get any bigger. I know that most girls want big breasts but I�m worried that if I have big breasts, I won�t be able to lie on my stomach without tipping over. I like lying on my stomach.
CHAPTER 6 � The Bra
The morning after her mom bought her the training bra, Lainie knew she was supposed to put it on and wear it to school but somehow it was all too terrifying. Lainie started getting dressed. She held up the bra and looked at it from various angles. She took a deep breath, laid the bra down and slipped into her familiar under shirt. Then she picked up the bra and put it on over the undershirt. This somehow seemed less scary. Sure it was weird but Lainie justified it as a transitional phase. She just wasn�t ready yet to be a woman.
In January it was often too cold to walk to school so Lainie and Lois would take the bus. They met at the corner and walked together to the bus stop at the end of Tristan Lane. This morning was the same as always except that Lainie was wearing a bra. But she wasn�t going to tell her best friend about it because Lainie was wearing her bra over her undershirt, which was pretty weird. Anyway, Lois had been wearing a bra for three months now and she loved it.
Nothing seemed to traumatize Lois. For instance, Lois was thrilled when she got her period. Lainie on the other hand was completely mortified when she got hers last year. She stayed home from school because she was �sick,� and she didn�t even yell at her little brother when he called her �a faker.� Sure, she didn�t look sick but she felt sick and there was no sense in trying to explain it to an eight-year-old boy who would never have to endure this.
Yes, she did tell Lois when she got her period but there were certain things she was too embarrassed to tell anyone. The bra and her sort of, almost crush on Clayton Murray were two of them.
Lois and Lainie got on the bus and rode to school as if nothing were different, when really, Lainie knew that everything was.
January 11, 1970
I wore my bra to school today and nobody seemed to notice but me. Oh, I also shaved my legs and wore deodorant so I�m sure I felt smooth and smelled fabulous.
In my English class we�re reading Huckleberry Finn which is a very famous book by Mark Twain, who's real name was Samuel Clemmons. I wonder why he would change such a nice sounding name. But then, he named his title character Huckleberry, so maybe he didn�t have a lot of judgment when it came to names.
Clayton Murray sits one row over and two rows up from me so I can watch him read and sometimes he�ll turn a page back as if he wants to make sure he didn�t miss something. I think he�s a very thoughtful person. Mr. Bruner asked us to read the first two chapters and think about why Huck decided to take a raft down the Mississippi.
It seems like he took the raft so he wouldn�t have to get civilized and so he could escape his mean Daddy. But Mr. Bruner says there�s a lot of symbolism in this book so a mean Daddy might represent something else. I don�t know what else a mean Daddy could represent, so I hope I don�t get called on.
CHAPTER 7 � Mrs. Bailer
In social studies, Lainie�s teacher was Mrs. Bailer. She was a very nervous lady. Maybe she was seventy or eighty years old. The kids couldn�t tell but there were boys in the class who could tell that she was nervous and they enjoyed making her more nervous. They would sit in the back and when she wrote on the board, they�d make farting noises by sticking their hand in their armpit and pumping their arm. Mrs. Bailer would swing around, shaking. �Who�s doing that?� Of course no one would answer.
Lainie felt sorry for Mrs. Bailer but it�s not like there was anything she could do to help her. Lainie had to live with these kids. If she told them to cut it out, she�d be a complete outcast until she got to college. Besides, Lainie had her own problems and anyway, no teacher should get so upset about stupid farting noises. Boys had probably been doing it since the dawn of time. There were probably Cro-Magnum boys making farting noises in the back of a cave and their teacher must have known how to handle it or people would never have evolved.
So when the movie incident happened that day, Lainie probably could have handled it differently but she didn�t and that�s all there is to it.
It was always pretty exciting when the teacher would send a kid to get the projector. That meant, they were going to watch a movie which was always MUCH better than listening to the teacher. ESPECIALLY when the teacher was Mrs. Bailer because she had a tone of voice that would put coffee to sleep.
Daniel Cuccinata went to get the projector because he knew how to set it up. He was a very nice boy but Mrs. Bailer didn�t trust any of the boys in this class and she insisted on threading the movie herself.
When she was ready, she said, �Shhhhh!� as loudly as a person can say �Shhhh,� and asked Nancy Van Etton to turn off the lights.
Mrs. Bailer said, �This film is called, �The Balance of Power� and I want you to pay very strict attention because after we watch this film, we will hold a discussion about the three branches of government and the balance of power.� Then she repeated the last four words, �The balance of power,� as she clicked on the projector.
The film started to roll and the title came up on the screen as four or five boys in the back mimicked Mrs. Bailer saying, �The balance of power.� She didn�t seem to hear them as she walked to the front of the room and took her seat behind her desk.
Pretty soon Lainie heard giggles as people poked each other and pointed to the projector, which was situated right next to Lainie. Tracy poked Lainie and pointed to the projector. Lainie looked and saw that the film was threading from the first reel past the projector bulb but as it came out the other side, it wasn�t winding up onto the second reel. The second reel was spinning madly as the movie fed past the bulb and spilled onto the floor, creating an ever-widening tangled pile of film.
Lainie gasped and raised her hand until the boy behind her, Peter Haskel, poked her in the head and said, �Shhh. Don�t say anything.� Then he started to giggle. Lainie put her hand down, looked around the room and saw shoulders shaking as kids attempted to suppress their laughter while watching the heap of snarled film collect on the floor.
Lainie and Tracy both snickered silently because who wouldn�t find this pretty funny? Mrs. Bailer was completely oblivious and the pile of movie on the floor kept getting bigger and bigger, I mean this was really funny.
Finally the movie ended with no one having any more information about the balance of power than they had before the movie started. Mrs. Bailer got up from her desk as she asked Nancy Van Etton to turn on the lights. She walked over to the projector and turned it off. As the lights came on, Mrs. Bailer repeated the words, �the balance of pow��
Then she saw it. The entire movie was spilled into a giant, crumpled pile on the floor underneath the projector.
Mrs. Bailer stared at the mess for what seemed like a minute. The room was completely silent except for Peter Haskell�s quiet giggle. Lainie stared into Mrs. Bailer�s face, which was twisted into a very hurt expression, as if she was about to cry. Her voice shook as she looked around the room and said,
�You knew this was happening.�
Nobody said a word.
�You all knew this was happening.�
Lainie had to look away from Mrs. Bailer�s face because it was just too sad.
�Everyone is dismissed.�
Nobody moved. They weren�t supposed to switch classes for another fifteen minutes. �Everyone is dismissed now!� Slowly the kids got up, collected their things and moved towards the door.
�Lainie!�
Mrs. Bailer reached out and held Lainie�s arm as the rest of the class filed out of the room.
Lainie turned and saw the tears in Mrs. Bailer�s eyes.
�You were sitting right next to the projector. You knew this was happening.�
Lainie was close to tears herself. All she could do was lower her head and mumble,
�I�m sorry.�
�You�re sorry,� said Mrs. Bailer. Then she placed her hand on the back of a chair to steady herself and said, �Wind the film back onto the reel and return it to the A.V. room, please.�
With that, Mrs. Bailer walked silently out of the room.
January 12, 1970
Mrs. Bailer set up the projector wrong and while we were watching the movie, the whole thing piled onto the floor. We all thought it was pretty funny. But then, I was the one picked to clean up. I feel really bad. And not because I was the one picked to clean up. I think Mrs. Bailer was crying.
CHAPTER 8 � The Devastating Incident
Changing into her gym suit in the bathroom cubicle was working out well for Lainie. Nobody seemed to care or notice. Especially Gretchen and her group who were very busy practicing their new cheers. One in particular was especially tricky for Cyndi because it had a �clap, stomp, clap, stomp, stomp, clap, stomp, clap,� which Cyndi couldn�t seem to get.
Lainie was in the bathroom stall changing into her gym suit. All the girls wore blue, one-piece, shorts jump suits that snapped up the front with a little collar. They were horrible. Lainie had just taken hers home for her mom to wash it; so today it was slightly less horrible than usual. She slipped her legs in, pulled it over her hips and began snapping when it happened. Lainie heard a thumping noise and then very much to her shock and mortification, Gretchen�s head popped underneath the bathroom stall door, her tiny, pale blue eyes were starring up at Lainie with a wicked grin that quickly turned into a twisted grimace. There was a brief hushed moment as Lainie rushed to cover herself with her arms. Then Gretchen�s sharp, shrill voice pierced the silence with words of horror that bounced and echoed across the walls of the locker room.
�Oh, my God! Lainie Spurdle is wearing her bra over her undershirt!�
Three more heads popped up under the bathroom stall as Lainie backed away in terror and tripped over the toilet while she attempted to snap up her gym suit.
�Why are you wearing your bra over your undershirt, Lainie?�
�It�s none of your business,� sputtered Lainie.
Gretchen pulled herself under the door and into the stall, along with Cyndi and Martha.
�Get out of here!� yelled, Lainie.
�Why would anyone wear a bra over an undershirt?� asked Martha.
�Maybe because she�s a dope,� said Gretchen.
�Leave me alone,� screamed Lainie as she finished snapping her gym suit.
�I don�t believe it,� said Cyndi. �Nobody would be stupid enough to wear a bra over an undershirt, I mean that�s so retarded.�
�Well, believe it,� said Gretchen as she grabbed Lainie�s gym suit and ripped it open.
Lainie gasped in complete humiliation, pulled herself away and scrambled under the cubicle wall into the next stall.
�You guys are sick!� she yelled.
�We�re not the ones wearing a bra over an undershirt, you giant dork!� yelled Gretchen as Lainie ran from the locker room into the hall, then out of the school and all the way to the park where she gasped giant gulps of air.
What was she supposed to do now? She couldn�t go home yet. School wasn�t over for another period. Her mother would know she had skipped gym. And how was she going to explain where her clothes were?! On top of which, she was freezing! She had to go back to school and get her clothes and books, but she couldn�t. How could she ever go back there again? How many people had heard Gretchen scream Lainie�s inner most personal secret?!! And even if only one person had heard her, it would be all over school in seconds. No matter how much trouble she was in, she could never go back there.
Where could a kid find a raft and a river in suburban Buffalo?
January 13, 1970
After it happened I went to Lois� house and waited for her to come home from school. I sat in her garage and wrapped myself in a blanket. When she got home I had to tell her what happened. Big surprise, she already knew. It�s all over school. First she said, she doesn�t know why I won�t just wear my bra but then she said that if I don�t want to, it�s my own business and that Gretchen should be arrested for what she did. It�s like an invasion of privacy or something illegal to break into a bathroom stall and rip someone�s clothes off. I said I don�t want her arrested because then more people would know my secret. Why am I even calling it a secret anymore?
Anyway, thankfully, Lois gave me clothes to wear so I could go home and be by myself.
I don�t know how I can possibly go back to school tomorrow. I don�t think anyone in the history of the world has ever been as embarrassed as I am now.