JOURNALS
Chapters 20 - 24
by: Louise Palanker

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Journals by Louise Palanker
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CHAPTER 20 � Trying To Fix It

On the bus the next morning, Lainie pressed her head against the window. It�s not that she didn�t want to talk to Lois, it�s just that there was a thought occurring to her and she needed to stir it around in her head.

When they got to school, Lainie told Lois that she needed to stop at the office. When Lois asked why, Lainie said she�d tell her later. Lois just shrugged and went off to class.

In the office, Lainie stood for a long time at the counter before anyone noticed. Finally the secretary looked up and said,
�Can I help you?�
�I just� it�s just that, well, Mrs. Bailer left very suddenly and I was wondering if I could phone or write her.�
�Hmm. How about this,� said the secretary. �Write your letter and bring it here. We�ll mail it for you.�
�Oh. OK, I�ll do that.� Said Lainie.

January 25, 1970
I had an idea to write a letter to Mrs. Bailer and this is what it said:
Dear Mrs. Bailer,
I am very sorry for the way my class behaved and especially since we made you quit and I never wanted that to happen.

I�m sorry I didn�t stop the projector just because the kids didn�t want me to and I didn�t want to get made fun of which would have happened and it would have hurt, but not as much as you leaving.

I hope you will forgive me and I think you are a good teacher.

Sincerely,
Lainie Spurdle.

That�s what I wrote and I hope it makes her feel better but if it doesn�t, I know that I meant what I said and that it made me feel better.

CHAPTER 21 � A Perfect Letter

That night when Lainie heard her father go into the kitchen, she got up and showed him the letter she was sending to Mrs. Bailer. When he read it, he crinkled his lips the way he did when something touched him. He looked up at Lainie and said,
�I think that�s a perfect letter.�
�You do, Dad?�
�I sure do. If she�s not thrilled to get this than there�s no helping her is there?�
�Maybe you could help her.�
�No, you�re doing fine all by yourself. Now go get some sleep.�

That night, Lainie slept better than she had in a long time.

August 4, 1944 � Friday
The definition of war is tired, filthy, sick, wounded, dead, suffering, shell shocked and homesick men. The fellow who said war is hell knew what he was talking about.

No mail today. We moved up again. We were so tired that it took us five hours to dig the gun pit. The ground had rocks in it. No food for 24 hours. Frank and Huffines are sick.

August 12, 1944 � Saturday
We shoot at planes every day. Last night we had to stay on gun, even though we could not see to fire on them. When the planes first came over, it took all my will power get out of my slit trench and help man the gun. The bombs whistled down for what seemed like an eternity. The explosions shook the earth beneath us and I prayed like I never did before. We stood this mental strain for over an hour. Knock on wood nobody in this section got hurt. Baker was so shell shocked that they had to take him to a hospital.

August 22, 1944 � Tuesday
Baker died. He had a wife and two kids.
We moved up again.
August 23, 1944 � Wednesday
Hanf, our truck driver halted someone last night. When the man did not stop, he sprayed the spot with his machine gun. It was too dark to see. The next morning, one of our men was found dead with two bullets in his head.

August 24, 1944 � Thursday
Double time Charley (Lt. Lathrop) was killed by a truck.

September 3, 1944 � Sunday
We entered Belgium. People are more friendly than the French.

September 5, 1944 � Tuesday
A woman we met asked Nick, Murphy and myself over for dinner. She served us steak, potatoes, salad and coffee. The woman�s friend asked us to her house the following night and we each had four pieces of pie.

I received a copy of the Bennet High Beacon from Ruth.

CHAPTER 22 � Never Simple

Lainie sat in English class watching the back of Clayton Murray�s head and hoping he would never have to go off to war. One thing she knew for sure, though. If he ever did, she would write him a letter every day. He wouldn�t have to sleep in a ditch wondering why she didn�t write. That�s, of course, providing he wanted to get letters from her. Maybe he wouldn�t even read them if she wrote to him. But no, she thought, when you sleep in a ditch, you probably read mail from anyone.

And anyway, she and Clayton were getting to be friends. They talked sometimes about Huckleberry Finn. Once they talked about Peter Haskell because Lainie and Clayton both agreed that he was really immature. They never talked about underwear again, but still, it was understood that they once had talked about underwear and that�s not the kind of thing a person would forget. Not Lainie anyway.

Mr. Bruner was asking the class what lead Huck to help Jim escape even though this would ruin Huck�s reputation. Clayton Murray raised his hand. This always made Lainie happy because she loved hearing Clayton talk. He never raised his hand just to show off. He always had something interesting to say.

Clayton said, �Because Jim was the best friend to Huck he had ever had and more like family than any family Huck had.�

�That�s right, Clayton,� said Mr. Bruner, �Jim had become Huck�s family. Now, can anyone tell me what was similar between the American South in the early eighteen hundreds and Germany during World War II?�

This was something Lainie knew about and she raised her hand. Mr. Bruner called on her and Lainie said.

�In Germany, you could get in trouble for helping a Jew.�

�Very good, Lainie.�

Cyndi Finderbeem made a face at Lainie but Lainie didn�t even notice.

�Now, let me ask you people this question,� said Mr. Bruner. �What would you do if you were Huck or if you were a German citizen during World War II and someone needed your help? Would you choose your safety or your conscience? I�ll see you tomorrow.�

The class was over and people were moving towards the door but Lainie just sat in her seat, thinking about the question. Clayton Murray walked over to Lainie�s desk and said,
�What would you do?�
�I would help the person.� Said Lainie.
�OK,� said Clayton, �What if you had a sick baby at home and if you got caught and got killed, no one would take care of your baby and the baby would die?�
Lainie looked up at Clayton and said,
�Why are you so smart?�
Clayton just laughed and said,
�My Mom always makes me think about things like this. She says life is never as simple as just right and wrong.�
Lainie collected her books, thinking about what Clayton had said.
�It never is?� she asked Clayton.
�Nope, never.�
�Then how are we supposed to figure out what to do?�
�Well, some stuff is easy,� said Clayton, �like I know it�s wrong to be late for science. See ya.�
Clayton hurried out of the room and Lainie took her time because her next class was study hall and if she were late, no one would really notice. Along the way she thought about what Clayton had said about right and wrong.

Was it really wrong for her to be reading her father�s journal, only she had convinced herself it was right? Was it really right for her mother to have taken her drumsticks, only she had convinced herself it was wrong?

Just when she felt completely mixed up, Mrs. Stanley, the secretary in the office called out to her.

�Lainie Spurdle! I need for you to come to the office right now. I have a letter waiting for you.�

Lainie was flabbergasted. A letter for her in the office! What could this be? But by the time she got to the office, she knew what it could be and she wasn�t surprised when Mrs. Stanley handed her a letter from Mrs. Bailer.
�Thank you,� said Lainie as she took the letter and turned to walk away.
�Aren�t you going to open it?� asked Mrs. Stanley, who was clearly being nosey.
�I will later.� Said Lainie. �I�m late for study hall.�
Lainie tucked the letter in her notebook. This was between her and Mrs. Bailer. The only person Lainie would show this letter to was her father.

January 26, 1970
I was really confused today about things. Clayton Murray thinks it�s not easy to know the difference between right and wrong. He makes it seem really complicated. I don�t want it to be. How will we ever do anything if we�re always wondering if we�re right or wrong? Lois, Tracy and Denise are all joining the swim team just because Mr. Helfenstein is so handsome. Is that right? Oh, I forgot to tell you, Lois got one look at him and nearly fainted. I�m going to try out for the musical because I want to be a good actress and singer and have people come and see me and tell me I�m good. Is that right? I�m wondering if we ever do things for the right reasons. When I got the letter from Mrs. Bailer I was happy, but maybe I just wrote to her because I didn�t want to feel guilty anymore. Was that right? I haven�t read her letter yet. I�ll wait until Dad comes out of his room.

September 11, 1944 � Monday
We moved into a new position one mile from the German border. People here speak German but claim they don�t like Germany.

September 18, 1944 - Monday
A jeep picked me up to take me to Jewish services across the border in a German town called Karnelimunster. The service was held in a castle and I will never forget it. This was the first Jewish service not held in secrecy since Hitler came into power in Germany. A soldier was singing the prayer, �Amida,� when four enemy planes came over. The noise of our anti-aircraft guns was terrific and the soldier stood and sang the prayer. No one was hurt.

Now when I think back, our services were beautiful at home. I understand now why my parents enjoyed sitting together with the whole family in temple.

We had no shofar to listen to, but a 155 long tom, which kept up a continual blasting of enemy positions.

September 21, 1944 � Thursday
We moved up into Germany. White flags hung from most houses. We shot a cow and will have steak for supper. The noise of our artillery is enough to drive a man crazy. I�m glad I�m not on the receiving end. We don�t trust the people here even though some act friendly.

October 2, 1944 � Monday
In the past 11 days, it has rained every day except one and it is very cold and windy and we�re pretty miserable. We killed another cow. At present I feel very discouraged because the paper talks about a two year war with Japan. It�s still raining. God d*#mn the people responsible for starting this lousy war.

CHAPTER 23 � Mrs. Bailer�s Letter

Lainie�s father was walking down the hall towards the kitchen. Lainie jumped off her bed, grabbed the letter from Mrs. Bailer and went to meet him in the kitchen. By now, Lainie�s father was getting used to these nighttime meetings.
�Hi, Sweety,� he greeted her.
�Hi, Dad,� guess what?�
�What?�
Lainie smiled as she handed her father the letter.
�Read it.� She said.
He took it and looked at it, turning it over. He noticed she hadn�t yet opened it and he handed it back to her.
�You read it.� He said.
Lainie sat at the kitchen table, opened the envelope and removed the letter. She read,

�Dear Lainie,

Thank you for your thoughtful letter. Yes, the children in your class are a handful and I�m afraid I am past the age where I am able to control them. Don�t feel as though this is your fault. I had many good years teaching. This was not one of them. So, you can imagine that it meant a great deal to me to receive your letter.

Thank you and be good to your new teacher.

Your Friend,
Mrs. Bailer

Lainie looked up at her father. He was smiling. Lainie smiled with him and took a deep breath.
�That�s a nice letter, Lainie.�
�Yeah. It�s perfect.� She folded the letter and put it back in the envelope.
�It sounds like you made her happy.�
�Dad?�
�Yes.�
�Do you always know how to do the right thing?�
Lainie�s father seemed puzzled by the question.
�What do you mean?�
�Well, my friend, Clayton Murray says things are more complicated than just right and wrong.�
�Sometimes they are.�
�So, how do you know?�
�I don�t always know. But if I make a mistake, I try to fix it.�
Lainie looked hard at her father.
�Does that happen a lot?� she asked him.
�As a matter of fact, there�s something I�m trying to fix right now.�
�What is it?� Lainie started to say and then she noticed the look on her father�s face. What she saw in her father�s eyes was something soft and loving. All she could say was, �oh.� Then she smiled and she did something she had never done before. She hugged her father.

It took him a moment to hug her back but he did. Then Lainie smiled shyly and went to bed without her father telling her that she should.

January 28, 1970
I tried out for the musical today which is going to be, �Bye Bye Birdie,� and you won�t believe it� Clayton Murray tried out too. He was really good. He doesn�t sing that great but he has so much confidence, I think he�ll get a part. I, on the other hand sing great in my room when I�m drumming. You would think with all that practice I would sing great at the audition but I was awful. Miss. Galistorfer, the English Teacher, is directing the play and she doesn�t know me because I�m not in her class but she asked me to pick a song from her list and I picked �This Guy�s In Love With You,� because I love that song. But when I started to sing, �This Guy�s in Love With You� everyone started laughing because I�m not a guy, and then I started laughing and Miss Galistorfer kept asking me to take it from the top and finally she just gave up. I will say this, though, I sang better than Herb Alpert does on the record. He should stick to the trumpet.

CHAPTER 24 � The Mayor�s Wife

Lois and Tracy and Denise were giggling down the hallway after school because they were on their way into the gym for the first day of swim club. They couldn�t wait to see Mr. Helfenstein in his swim trunks. They tried to talk Lainie into coming with them. �But I�m not going out for the team,� she said.
�Just tell him you are, and then tell him you changed your mind.� Said Denise.
�No.� said Lainie.
�Listen,� said Lois, �Just come with us because you�re getting a ride home with us and the worst that will happen is he�ll kick you out.�
Lainie agreed to do that and then she saw Clayton Murray walking towards her.
�Guess, what?� he said. �Mrs. Galistorfer just posted the roles for �Bye Bye Birdie! Come on!�
Clayton grabbed Lainie and pulled her down the hall.
�I�ll meet you guys in the pool!� she yelled back to her friends.
As Clayton and Lainie hurried to the chorus room, Clayton said,
�I hope I get the Dick Van Dyke part. That�s the part I really want. What do you want?�
�Maybe the Ann-Margaret part or no, Rosie because then I�d get to sing, �Put On A Happy Face.�
They rounded the corner and they could see the list on the wall so they started running and laughing and running until they slid right up to the list and crashed into the wall, laughing as they ran their fingers down the list. Clayton found his name� Clayton Murray��. Hugo Peabody.
�Wow, that�s a huge part!� said Lainie. In the movie, that�s Bobby Rydell, Ann-Margaret�s boyfriend.
�Wow,� said Clayton as his finger continued down the list looking for Lainie�s name. Finally he found it. Lainie Spurdle�.. Mayor�s Wife.
�What�s that?� asked Lainie.
�I don�t know, said Clayton. �But you got a part.�
�I don�t even have a name,� said Lainie. �I�m just somebody�s wife.�
�Hmm,� said Clayton. �You were really good at the audition.�
�Oh, come on. I was not.� Said Lainie.
�I thought you were good.�
�I�m just glad I�m in the play,� said Lainie, which was extremely true because she was in the play with Clayton Murray.

January 30, 1970
I got a part in the play. I�m the mayor�s wife. I didn�t tell Mom today because she was in a really, really bad mood. She wouldn�t even pretend she was in a good mood on the phone. She just told me to tell Aunt Gerry she was sleeping. Today Kurt came into my room because he was scared. That�s been happening a lot lately. He gets scared that Mom is going to yell at him or that she�ll never come out of her room. I don�t mind it when Kurt comes in here. We listen to the Supremes on my record player and he makes me laugh because he knows all the moves to �Stop In The Name of Love.�

I went to the swim tryouts with Lois and Denise and Tracy. I told Mr. Helfenstein I wasn�t trying out, I was just waiting for my friends and he said that was OK. We were all disappointed because he didn�t wear swim trunks. He just wore a warm up suit but I still think he�s very, very handsome.

But, not as handsome as Clayton Murray.

October 16, 1944 � Monday
The sun had just gone down last night when enemy planes came over. We were on the gun but could not see them. Suddenly bright flares filled the sky. We saw four red flares shoot downward and then fade out. Then it happened. Near us, a large area lit up by what looked like thousands of explosions about forty feet off the ground. I never saw or heard anything like it. We could hear screaming and this morning we found out that 30 men were killed or wounded. I don�t like the looks of this new business.

October 25, 1944 � Wednesday
I got a letter from Ruth. We play ball every day. I play first base. I hit a double and a single today. Shells have been coming in every night. We have to man the guns all night now.

November 2, 1944 � Thursday
Last night I was on the gun between ten and twelve when a plane came over our heads. It dropped those anti-personnel bombs and killed Edwards, who was fixing the field phone wire.

November 8, 1944 � Wednesday
Roosevelt re-elected. Everyone in this section is satisfied.
We had our first snow. It looks like a miserable winter ahead. No mail from home for a week.

November 10, 1944 � Friday
I had a fight with Salvati. He called me a �Jew Rat� and said it was our fault America was in this stupid war. I got pretty steamed and told him to shut his mouth and he took a swing at me. At first I thought I was in for a beating but I soon found out that he couldn�t fight worth a darn. It lasted about 25 minutes. At the start, I cut his nose open so that it bled from the inside and out. He got wild mad and rushed and knocked me off balance and caused me to slip and fall into the mud. This burned me up and I landed a solid left on his mouth. He was then bleeding from his mouth and nose. I began to feel sorry for him and slackened up. He then landed a solid one on my cheek and although he doesn�t know it, I still can�t chew enough to eat bread. I got sick of fooling around with him and messed him up pretty bad. The sergeant broke up the fight. The fellows told me that I should have beat him up bad but it would have been too easy.

November 11, 1944 � Saturday
My face aches a bit, but Salvati�s is really swollen. Well, he asked for it. I have never yet started a fight.



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